Witze English Jokes

In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob. - So thats the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car because its too heavy.
I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!
Q: Why do woman get their belly buttons pierced?A: So they have a place to hang a air freshener!
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?A:About 45 pounds!!Q:What is the difference between a huband and a boyfriend?A:About 45 minutes !!
How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?When she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her pencil
I wish Martians would conquer the earth and make us their pets, I could really use a new flea leash. The one my wife uses is getting pretty darn short.
I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence. It didnt sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these days it may have been too long, so I rewrote it. The 2nd edition went: To keep an idiot busy for hours, re-read this sentence. Its doing pretty good. I have a deal for the sequel. The 3rd edition is going to go: Re-read this line. Now, if I could just find the time to write it.
I have to admit it, Jensen had offered a brilliant proposal to resolve our troublesome problem. He suggested we form three committees, one to study the problem directly, one to study how other companies had resolved similar problems, and a third to oversee the first two and coordinate their efforts into a workable solution. The plan worked flawlessly and we assigned the janitor to change the lightbulb
Frank Sinatra, Old Blue Eyes, has died... Frank will now be known as Old Closed Eyes.
Experts say that although Frank Sinatra is dead, his act is still 150% more entertaining than Frank Sinatra Jr.s.
While in Birmingham, England, President Clinton saluted Frank Sinatra, saying the singer and entertainer really did do it his way...

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